As I sit here

Well it is still up in the air about work today and I hope that I do not have to at all.  Sometimes it makes me wander about what is really going down around with some in the area here and knowing that they can not stand me at all since I stood up to them from the 2nd day of work and trying not to bust some just wide open totally around here.  So now at this point some know not to push buttons on me since I can come up with a plan to get things done totally and that is how I like it.  Pluss the boys know I will not deal with the B.S. that their father wants them to hand out on women at all around a household.  So now at this point in time the first couple of weeks were rougher on the 3 older ones that I sit for and they also learned that I will not tolerate the mess that their father wants to dish out.  I told the boys straight out here is the deal I know your fathers type totally and will come up swinging to let him know it is not ok in what he is doing.  When they all realized that I will not put up with things like their mother has over the years and that I am totally plugged in to what is going on pluss will not lie for anyone they all calmed down for me.  Yes my hands are still somewhat tied totally around the one household and I will admit to it and there is more that I can do than they all realized totally also.  Now at this point in time I take it all day by day around with the kids at their place and that is all I can do at this point in time.  When I am the one that is doing and not their father and the boys realized this it became better after that also while we were all at it.  So now at this time when the kids all realized that I will cook for them and I am a good cook then when I proved their father wrong at the time also and they caught him lieing also.  So now at this point in time here I pretty much know how to handle some things that the parents can not totally thru the day around the household it makes me wander in what is really going down at this point.  Knowing that some do not have a back bone at all since she got beat down so much around the household between the verbal and the fists flying at her I do not blame her what so ever now at this point in being how she is.  My panic attacks came from my ex husband and they are getting rare around here with me also after 20 years and knowing that trama causes them totally I do not blame my boss at all for what she is going thru.  So with that said here I still can not get it out of my mind in what the one boy told me at all about his black eye.  And I will go with the first thing that he said and the other sounded scripted totally from the father at the time.  Since the boy tried to back stroke out of what he said at the time last week to me totally at the time it makes me wander about that part and that is why it came out scripted also in what the father told him to say.  I know abuse when I see it and it is not panning out at all in what is going down.  And knowing what the father is doing at this point in time to the kids here totally since I went thru it also is that the mother is always at fault and desirved it at the time.  When the kids smartin up about it and start putting things togeather that is when all Hell breaks loose in either household totally.  At this point in time there is not much that I have not been thru now after 37 years and I have heard and seen alot more than what others have at this point in time.  As several people will tell the parents the kids are well protected with Cricket and she will correct them along the way in how she sees fit also and she will stand up for what is right for the kids weather she likes them or not.  As my Husband will say if my wife is right on something she will stick to her guns untill you prove her wrong and ya better have the law on your side also since she will come up swinging totally around the place if she is right.  So now at this point in time I will say the truth and have been like that totally for 36 years here since there is no reason to lie about things at all in my eyes.  So this is what I am trying to instill with the kids here that I am taking care of totally and they can call me at any time also to unload and make since out of something also.  At this point in time this is what the father can not stand is that I have planted my foot down and it will get worse around the house if need be totally while the children are in my care also.  So now at this point the boys will stay in and I will say something to one of them after I pull him a side on Thursday here and get the story in what is going down and that is if I am working then also here for that day.  Some things that are going down here I do not expect to work every day nor when I think that I am working at all.  So after all said and done here I will see in what goes on when I am out for a week or 2 here next month and go from there totally during and after in what is going down.  Since I will not be in NY State at all for the time and it depends on some things when I get to Illinois and how much the crap hits the fan when I get down there also.  Pluss I refuse to drive back up for 14-16 hours just for a small amout of money to work for also once I get down to Illinois after 5 days of being there.  So now at this point both parents are totally stuck with their children and they better deal with it.  When I had my 3 it goes with 2 step children and my nefew I always had 3 sitters and then some so I could work and support the babies.  So now at this point in time it is making me really wander in what is going on here.  It is damned if I do and damned if I don't at this time here totally and knowing that I do not get sick days at all nor anything else when they are not my children at all.