Sitting here and wandering

Now I kind of know in what is going on around here totally in why my one aunt can not stand hardly anyone at all.  It was always oh poor so and so she has it rough totally and it switched to her daughter when she got prego at 17 also.  With the both of them they have had an easy ride in their lives totally and some wander in why I stay away from most of the family totally at this point.  Granted I am the cheap one out of the bunch here and had to be over the years.  Also I never asked for money nor to barrow money unless I knew I could pay the person back and then some within acouple of days totally.  So now at this time here that explains the nasty pokes the one aunt took at me totally while I was there in Illinois and then could not believe that I got back to NY State within about 14 hours also.  After all the years that I have seen the one aunt just rob my grandparents on the one side blind and never bothered to pay them back as far as I know around here and her one daughter did the same thing also it makes me sick in what I have seen and I told my father that I did not want any part of it 2 years ago totally and I got one thing and that is it that I had asked for totally.  It is also pretty sick that my father paid for the cabnet that is sitting here in my house for his mother over 35 years ago and she did not want it any more.  It tells me alot around here also on that part of things.  Now also over the past 18 years here I have not had either the money at the time to get down to Illinois or the time or both at the same time except about once every 5 years around here.  Now with that being said the cost of living around here it just higher than snot totally.  Just this morning when a pack of smokes for the name brand was about $4.50 a pack in Illinois to where they are 8 dollars at the reservation where I go to and it is about 14 dollars off the res per pack.  Pluss the gas is about 1 dollar higher than Illinois in NY State also here.  And the one aunt could not figure out in why I refused to pay a grand to get my Husband down to Illinois without the gas for the day so he could turn around dog tired and get back to the truck.  And I am the supposad stupid one to the one aunt since I am tight with the money that I do have for my place.  All I can do now is sit here and be cheaper than snot since some figure that I can come down at any time now since the thing said so when I left.  So now I will do in what I have to do to keep what I do have around here in the household and that includes the house also now and get that much cheaper while I am at it all.  So now I know why my one sister was so hard on me over the years and I could never live up to her standards at all untill I totally got out of the state of Illinois.  When she realized that I did not ask for much and afew other things that I never told her at all.  Another thing is that when my grandmother said that the aunt that I can not stand totally was my mother I went postal.  Thank God the woman is not my mother at all and I did learn in how to cook unlike the aunt did totally and that I am not the spend trift that she turned out to be along with her children at this time.  When I told some in the past year here that I had stories of my one side of the family that could curl her toes and make her life look like it was easy and a walk in the park I ment it around here.