Realizing

Well I have came to the point around my place that if some folks want to come over fine if not then that is on them totally.  I have also took a long hard look at myself in the past month and a half while I was at it.  When I have felt totally useless around the trailer and the house for the past almost 5 months over getting hurt in an accident I woke up for the most part yesterday evening.  Now I know why that I have been putting my foot down pretty hard on alot of things that have been going on and why I got tired of being treated like dog meat and some barrowing money off of me also.  With my Niece in why she got thrown out of my place is because of a number of things.  I can only tollorate so much out of someone who does not care on what is going on around her.  When my Niece first moved in she would stay up untill 3 am watch T.V. and sleep untill when ever then could not understand in why I was loud in the mornings getting things done around the household.  So I blocked up the cable box at 10 pm and said once you can stop staying up all night and get a job then I will unblock the box.  Well that did not happen at all with the girl getting a job at all so I kept the box blocked up.  Then things started to get trashed in the kitchen in the trailer.  I know what I did and I noticed knife marks in the good plastic containers and things that were in the garbage can that had been took apart and my Niece could not get the things back togeather neither.  I told her about it and then caught her useing a knife in the containers.  I went postal and the girl could not understand as to why.  Now as the weeks went by there was alot of waste going on since I had to go behind the girl when she would supposadly help clean in the household.  I was not going for it anymore and told her that I wanted the bathroom to where you could lick the toilet and sink by the time she was done otherwise it was not clean at all with the lick and a promise that she got by with all the time untill my place.  Then the last week that the girl was at my place knowing that I wanted her to help me pack even more she blown me off figureing that her friend was more important that went to the hospital to stay with her instead of calling the girls parents.  That was the last straw and after almost 20 boxes packed by myself I was done.  Well I was on the rampage totally and threw her out with no other choice in the matter and I still have some of her things here at the new place.  And I don't wander why anymore in why I was totally under stress and it showed in alot of things that I was doing.  Well that goes into some people saying that I was getting nasty with my attatude around the trailer and to here in the house.  IF some only knew in what I was dealing with then they would not blame me at all if they really thought about it.  With the complainers I got told that and thought about it for a good month now.  This is why I just do not care if the both of them do not come over at all anymore.  After almost 7 years of knowing the complainers also and the both of them barrowing money and hardly paying me back in what they barrowed then to sit there and ask for smokes at the end of the month in December that was it I was pretty much done by that point.  Now I will admit that I have been finding ways of going cheaper around the household here and what I have pretty much kept with has been working for the most part knowing that I need to do more anyway here for the house, like shutting everything off while I was at the trailer to cut down on the power bill and other things for the place.  I was over at the complainers place the one day and asked what the one was working on at the time.  The woman told me that she was trying to figure out the bills and she was only putting half of the money that they owed on the monthly gas, power, cable, and phone bills at the time so she could get groceries and paper goods.  All I could do was shake my head at the time and started looking on how much and almost fell over.  After all said and done I looked at them and said food stamps at the time and that did not even help at all since they buy junk with them constantly.  So I pretty much diden't say to much after that.  Today is the 19th and I have not got a phone call as of yet saying that they are broke and can they bum smokes off of us or money.  I put back a 5 dollar bill that needs to get up to the bank from last month when they were begging off of me.  That was after I was told that I was nasty with my attatude and that is why they hardly come over to my place anymore.  After awhile ya get sick and tired of being asked to lend out things and never get paid back at all.  Once I started putting my foot totally down about it over the past 3 months is when I guess that I really got supposadly nasty and at this point I could care less about it.  The complainers and the Niece that was living with us for about 4 months would freak out if they knew what I had to pay out at this point in time for bills.  Now that some things are back on track for the household I can see more things that I have to do and go cheaper on totally around here and if some do not like it tough cookies in my book.  Also what gets to me the most around here is that since I have been trying to go cheaper and have only scratched the surface of it all in my household some figure that I have the money to lend out or let them move in.  I put a stop to that also.  Now I know that I have been under alot of stress around here without a problem and it was not all me doing this.  Also now I am realizing that I have been paying the complainers now to be friends and that has stopped totally by me saying no from last month around here.  Now I guess that they were not true friends at all and I have delt with that in the past couple of days also here.  So now I know in what has been going down and I will keep to myself even more from now on in the place.  Maybe this is what I needed to really sit here and think of what I have needed to do and to get done totally here without some folks around me.  Now that I can work on myself alot more and the new house here I feel like I can do all of this and still go cheaper weather some people like it or not out of me.  Now I will be posting in what I will be doing and how much I spend at the stores form now on to show that I am human and what can happen in a household.  With alot of things here I will have to do this and take mini breaks as I call them for the place to let everyone know what I have done and willing to do for the household.