Shakeing my head here

Well I have been doing very little it seems like the past couple of days except the jaunt that I took this morning here.  Some were impressed that in the other side of the truck was the bag of cans and plastic that I got just this morning.  So now some folks around the area are pigs and I will admit to it by throwing out the bottle returns.  At this point in time I am waiting on my shoes to dry out and the dish water to cool off to do anymore housework around here.  The really wierd part about it is that I was out about 6 hrs ago to get the walk for nickles and the shoes are still wet around here.  I have also pulled dinner for tonight and got that started to dethawing around here while I was at it.  Now I get to shake my head because not everything is out of the can also at this point 3 weeks later.  So that bill will need to be paid while I am at it also this month here.  So now to try to figure all of this out in the budget here and go from there.  I hope this is the last month that I have to pay the lot rent in a cruddy neighborhood.  It will be a huge relief to me knowing that we are totally out of the trailer.  I am under stress and nothing like I was last month niether here.  When some folks say that I get nasty with some things it was not getting nasty at all I was putting my foot down totally around both places since I had 3 mouches trying to drain me of money around both places.  I guess this is why I started picking up the nickles yet again after takeing a break from it all for about 3 weeks.  Now I will be going out every morning to see what I can get from now on with that part of things here.  And I will be hitting up more places also while I am at it from now on.  I just hope that I can get enough of the deposits to pay the one loan off around here and not have to worry about it any more along with other things for the household also.  Maybe it might happen around here better than what I am thinking also at this point in time.  So now that I am in warp drive in trying to figure out in how I am going to do all of this and then some and that is why I am telling some folks no from now on around my place.  Some need to realize that I refuse to let them drain me anymore around here.  I do not have the time nor the fuse to let it happen anymore and some need to grow up once I think about it all.  Now with that being said I have had some folks tell me that I am the one that needs to grow up around the place.  Well here I am paying bills and not snagging half of what my Husband makes in a week, and things seem to get done also while I am at it all around the household.  Or maybe it is because I refuse to put up with the B.S. that the person or persons want to dish out onto other folks also.  So I maybe on to something around here when I get my walks in and picking up the nickles along the way also.  At least I am bringing in money for the household and thinking of cheaper ways for the household unlike some folks that I know.  I have cut alot of things out and about ready to revamp it all again for the new place here.  I am also thinking of cheaper ways for meals also for when my Husband is in.  I can manage during the week by myself here between the leftovers and soups.  Either way I turn with some folks I will always be wrong in what I do for myown household here.  I realized after last night around here that I am still on my own and it does not matter if I get left out of things anymore.  I will do what I have to do to get down to Illinois for one last time and leave everyone in the dust by not going back anymore.  There really is nothing tieing me down that way anymore after I pick up some things and I will be happier just to leave it all behind me and doing what I have to from now on and be as cheap as possible.  At least I will be going down one more time if and when I get the money around here to go and it will more than likely be the last in how I look at it all.  So maybe that is why I am on the push with myself to get as many bottle returns as I can this year to get back one last time and just never go back.  I know where my place is after almost 19 years is at now and I will forever be an outsider to some folks here in NY State.  So I may as well live with the fact that I have been on my own for over 20 years now and knowing this maybe it is a good thing that I am going that much cheaper to prove a few points around here.  Also maybe I should go cheaper around here and see what happends for the next 6 months around here.  I also want to see how far I can push this cheap road while I am at it without anyone hollering from the household.  It is just the outside folks that come over that will start to holler for that fact here in what I am about to do for the place.  And if some folks do not like in what I have to do around here then that is just tough on their part from now on.  Now I will do for myself and the household like never before.